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"Till Death" by Jim Priest
They seemed to be the perfect couple. He was the handsome, silent type. She was a beauty with sports cars, mansions and closets full of clothes. Despite the pressures of celebrity life and millions of adoring fans worldwide they held their relationship together for 43 years. But this past February they called it quits. Ken and Barbie broke up.
The stated reasons for the break-up provide an interesting insight into relationships. "The flame of love has gone out; the tolls of Hollywood romance are well known, but they’ll remain friends" said Russell Arons, the vice president of marketing for Mattel. "Barbie is going through something difficult but she is just a woman exercising her options," Arons added.
The flame has gone out?
She’s exercising options?
They’ll remain friends?
It would be merely comical PR hype if it weren’t so sadly representative of our own lives.
Today, many couples are opting out of the "till death do us part" portion of the wedding vows. Rev. Calvin Butts III, pastor of the Abyssinian Baptist Church in Harlem was asked to perform three wedding ceremonies but omit the "till death us do part" phrase and, instead, insert "as long as our love shall last." Reverend Butts respectfully declined and told the couples they’d have to find another pastor. "We want people to make this kind of commitment for life," Butt said in an interview with New York Times reporter Sam Roberts. Good for you, Pastor Butts!
But many do not share this view. Some marriage observers cry out that because people are living longer than in the past, the concept of a life long marriage is no longer "realistic". But such naysaying is contradicted by writers, researchers and counselors who encourage us that a life long marriage is still possible, but takes a great deal of effort.
One such person is psychiatrist John Jacobs from NYU School of Medicine and author of "All You Need is Love and Other Lies about Marriage." Jacobs says, "Virtually everyone has significant problems sometime during their marriage....Marital relationships are, by their very nature, fraught with difficulty and vulnerability. It takes dedication to make them comfortable, loving and fair year after year."
Linda Bloom, in her book "101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married" echoes Jacobs’ opinion. "While compatibility and shared interests bring us together initially, they are not enough to keep us together over time. Invariably, obstacles arise that lovers have to overcome. As the committed couple meets those challenges with their combined resources, the relationship becomes stronger and more resilient."
Is it possible in today’s world to have a marriage "till death"? Absolutely. Is it as easy? Absolutely not. Marriage takes hard work. Give and take. Consideration, compromise and listening intensive communication. But the benefits of a life long marriage are well worth the sweat equity you have to put in.
Maybe Ken and Barbie should have been told that "happily ever after" only comes after a lot of hard work.
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