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"Super Hero Families" by Jim Priest
My son and I recently saw the movie Spiderman 2. Afterwards, we talked about the fact that Peter Parker, aka Spiderman, was so busy saving lives he routinely neglected the woman he loved. "You’re just an empty chair" the lady lamented when Peter missed another important event.
My son reminded me that virtually no super heroes have families. Spiderman had an aunt and uncle, but no wife or kids. Batman wasn’t married; neither were The Green Hornet, Wonder Woman or Captain America. My son and I concluded it was difficult to lead the life of a super hero and maintain any kind of relationship as a spouse or parent.
The same thing is true in our world. Even though most of us aren’t super heroes, we sometimes try to be. Our lives have demands like the ever ringing Bat-phone, where someone is always asking for our time or help. In response, we quickly change into our super hero costume and run to the rescue. Sometimes, the noise of the distress call is so loud we fail to hear the voices of those closest to us. The voice of our spouse asking to talk. The voice of our child asking to play.
Gordon McDonald, in his book The Effective Father, encourages dads not to send "busy signals" to their children. "We live in a day when many children are confronted with far too many messages which amount to, "Don’t bother me! I’m tied up!"...Among the dimensions of effective fatherhood, we have to include the indispensable ingredient of approachability--that a child can communicate with Dad without strenuous effort and that when Dad’s engaged in family dialogue he will be open, responsive, and concerned."
The same truth applies to all our family relationships. Here are two suggestions to make you a super hero in your family.
Super Suggestion # 1: Put your time where you say you priority is. McDonald points our that the most destructive busy signals occur in the home when we say "Not now, maybe later." Time with our children or spouse is easily postponed. It takes a dedicated parent or spouse to say "no" to other demands in order to "yes" on the home-front. If we want to be a super hero where it really counts we must schedule priority time with those we say are our highest priority.
Super Suggestion # 2: When you’re there, really be there. A young boy once complained he was just a "comma" to his parents. "They talk at me, but when I say something it’s like they pause, but don’t hear. I’m just a comma in their conversation with themselves." Our spouses sometimes feel the same way when we fail to take time for real conversation. There is awesome power in the listening ear. Tap into that power by listening attentively to your spouse and kids.
We may not save the world from Dr. Octopus, but we can be super heroes in our own homes. All it takes is the courage to make our homes our priority.
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