Relationship expert Les Parrot was on a talk radio show, deluged by callers from across the nation seeking relationship advice.  One of the callers, a college student named Tom, spoke in a halting fashion.

 

"Hi, my name is Tom.  I’ve never called into a radio station or anything and I‘m kinda...I’m kinda...

 

The radio host impatiently rolled his eyes and blurted, "Do you have a question or anything?  Go ahead."

 

Tom started to stammer again.  "I  don’t have a question or anything.  I was just listening and I was feeling kinda, y’know....kinda...."

 

Just when the talk show host started to cut him off, Les asked Tom the insightful question, "What were you feeling, Tom?"

 

After what Les described as an "exceptionally long silence", Tom finally sighed out a single, slowly exhaled word:  "Lonely."

 

Chances are you’ve felt lonely too.  It might have been when you were alone, but it could easily have been when you were in a crowd.  The loneliness we have all felt is the natural result of the way we’re made.  We are made for relationship.  Consider these tell tale signs:

 

**Researchers, seeking to determine what makes people happy, learned the answer is not wealth, achievement, good looks or any other "asset".  What makes people happy, according to this study is close, personal relationships. 

 

**Two thirds of Americans say having close relationships is always on their minds.

 

**A quarter of all Americans report they have felt lonely in the last month.

 

**The number one reason people seek counseling is for help with their relationships.

 

If we all crave relationship and feel lonely without it, why is it so difficult to find and keep mutually beneficial, lasting relationships.  One of the reasons is we think good relationships should "just happen" and shouldn’t "take work."  We have the idea  relationships will materialize and mature spontaneously, without skills.  But the truth we all know, from personal experience, is that nothing good comes without effort.  Athletes train hard to win championships.  Relationships also take hard work if they are to succeed.

 

The most intimate, lasting relationships occur inside the family.  Our parents, spouse, siblings and a rag tag band of other loved ones provide us the "practice field" to develop our relationship skills.  Try these relationship practice drills:

 

**Exercise common courtesy in your relationships.  Bring out the manners your mom taught you but you long ago tossed in the trunk of your car.

 

**Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.  Most relationships go in the ditch because someone failed to listen, or spoke too quickly or over-reacted angrily.

 

**Slow down enough to spend time working on relationships.  Most relationships develop in a crock pot, not a microwave.  Stop obsessing about "doing" and spend more time on "being".

 

These skills, when practiced, will build strong relationships and are a first line of defense against loneliness. Developing these skills doesn’t  mean you’ll never feel lonely, but it increases the chances you’ll have someone to talk to about your loneliness.  That‘s what Tom needed that night on the radio talk show.  There will be nights we’ll need it too.