Barbara Rosberg tells a poignant story that touches both heart and head in the book, "Divorce Proof Your Marriage." One day while waiting to pick up a friend at the airport Barbara witnessed an incredible homecoming. A man got off the plane to the loving welcome of his wife and three children. One by one, the family man slowly and purposefully greeted, hugged and affirmed each family member. He bestowed hugs and loving words on each son, cradled and cooed to his toddler daughter and finally gave his wife an embarrassingly long, passionate kiss. The family man verbally told each one he loved them and had missed them terribly.
Barbara was stunned by the intensity of the greeting and could not restrain a question to the family man:
"Wow! How long have you two been married?"
"Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those," the man replied without breaking the gaze from his wife's face.
"Well then, how long have you been away?"
"Two whole days." beamed the man.
"Two days!" Barbara exclaimed. "Boy, I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!"
The family man turned to Barbara and counseled, "Don't hope, friend. Decide!"
As Barbara watched the family melt into the airport crowd her friend arrived and asked, "What are you looking at?"
Barbara replied unhesitatingly, "My future."
I have never witnessed an airport experience quite like this family man, but I think I understand his advice to Barbara. "Don't hope. Decide." is wise counsel in an age when love is defined more as a feeling than a decision. Our marriages are often like sailing ships, blown about by winds of emotion. When the winds blow adversely, we're tempted to abandon ship. Our culture tells us to give up hope but the family man urges us to go beyond hope, and make a decision. "Decide to show love," he would urge us.
If you promise to keep it quiet, I will divulge a little secret about myself: I don't always "feel" in love with my wife. I also have it on good authority she doesn't always "feel" in love with me either. Hard as it is to believe, I am not the ideal husband nor she the perfect wife. There have been times when our differing personalities set each other on edge or we failed to meet each others' expectations. That's when our emotions were at low ebb and we weren't "feeling" in love. The family man's advice rings true at times like these. We must "decide" to pursue love, even when our emotions wax and wane. That decision will make all the difference.
You may be facing difficulties in your marriage right now. Perhaps you had hoped your marriage would get better or hoped that love would be restored, but it hasn't happened. If that's where you find yourself, follow the advice of the family man. Don't hope. Decide. Resolve in your heart to act in loving ways toward your mate. Your emotions will ultimately follow your actions. Love is not merely an emotion. It is a decision.
