My pastor, Steve, and his wife, Elaine, were married about thirty years ago and decided to do the unity candle ceremony.  They had received instructions about "snuffing" out their individual candles with their fingers rather than "blowing" them out.  This sounded fine, in theory.  But as the ceremony progressed, and the unity candle was lit, a small crisis arose.
Elaine snuffed her candle out without a problem but Steve didn't quite have the routine under control.  Instead of extinguishing the candle with a pinch of
the fingers, Steve somehow pinched off the end of the candle which, still lit, dropped to the floor.  In the blink of a blushing bride's eye the carpet caught fire and a momentary panic swept through the bridal party.  Fortunately, Elaine showed both quick wit and feet. She lifted her wedding gown, stomped out the flames with her bridal shoe, and calmly returned to her
place.  Steve said that part of their wedding ceremony pretty much set the tone for how things have gone in their marriage.

Besides fire fighting techniques, there are two important truths in the unity candle ritual. 

Lesson One:  it takes two flames to light the unity candle.  I have never seen a unity candle lit by only one flame.  Every wedding calls for the bride and groom to light the candle together.  But the mutual lighting should not end with the ceremony.  Every day, married couples must light anew the flame of marital commitment.  One person working at the marriage is not enough.  Although there will be times when, because of sickness or stress, one of you cannot devote as much energy to the flame as the other, both members of the marriage must keep the flame burning.  Don't allow yourself to coast in your marriage.  Work on it in small ways every day.  You can begin by  sincerely complimenting your spouse.

Lesson Two:  the individual candles must be less than the unity candle.  Whether the individual candles remain lit or extinguished, the fact remains that marriage requires the individual candles to be less than the unity candle.  In successful marriages, the bride and groom agree their life together will be more important than their individual wants.  Couples do not promise to remain married as long as "it works well for me."  That's why the bride and groom vow "for better or worse, for richer or poorer."  Marriage requires us to be selfless.  You can begin today by looking for small ways to serve your spouse.

Next time you see a unity candle ceremony, remember these lessons.  Light the marital flame and keep it burning every day!